quirkysmuse: (drwho-general)
[personal profile] quirkysmuse
Fandom: Doctor Who
Title: Empty Pleasure
Author: Paynesgrey
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Amy Pond, Eleventh Doctor, hinted Amy/Rory
Word Count: 466
Spoilers/Warnings: No Spoilers or warnings. Takes place in Series 5 after "Cold Blood" sometime.
Notes: Written for the "pleasure" drabble challenge at [community profile] who_contest.

Summary: Amy feels the ache of something missing.


The Doctor takes her everywhere, and Amy sees things that she’s never dreamed of seeing, and she’s certain that she could fill books with the sorts of alien life and adventures they've shared.

She loves every moment of it, every planet, every strange story and every historical wonder. Yet, despite her happiness at spending time with the Doctor and traveling to unknown worlds, she finds her pleasure in it a bit hollow at times.

Amy can feel a sense of loneliness from it all, that she’s missing something important in her life.

She can’t remember, and the notion gnaws at her brain and grates at her nerves. Her heart feels a sense of longing for something - someone maybe, that she cannot shape. Whenever she tries, she gives herself a headache and only ends up with darkness.

She looks to the Doctor, always fussing after her and pulling her on some adventure or trip that fills up her head and prevents her from dreaming too much - exhausting her to wariness, where she falls onto her bed in the TARDIS and has nothing but dreamless sleep.

But it isn’t always dreamless. Amy sometimes dreams of a faceless man with an enduring voice full of humor and challenge. She dreams of a warm touch, and a desire so safe and deep she wants to nestle into it and never come back.

At first, she thinks she has unexplained feelings for the Doctor, but that isn’t it. That isn’t what the dreams are about. The Doctor isn’t missing in her life. The Doctor doesn’t give her the kind of pleasure that fills the hollowness inside her.

He tries, and he looks at her with those sad, haunted eyes, but the Doctor cannot fill her loneliness when he has a universe of loneliness all of his own.

He helps. Being with him soothes her a little and gives her peace.

When he leads her to room in the TARDIS that night, he stops by to tuck her in, much as she imagined him doing when she was a girl, and he kisses the top of her head.

“Sweet dreams, Amelia Pond.” His eyes are as sad as his voice.

She grabs his hand before he can go. She doesn’t want to meet the lonely shadows alone anymore. She doesn’t want to go to bed feeling the emptiness without someone by her side to share it.

“Please, I don’t want to be alone.” Before she realizes it, Amy is crying again and the tears are running down her cheeks. She doesn’t know what’s happening, and she doesn’t know why the Doctor looks at her with such guilt every time she cries like this.

Does he know the piece she is missing? Does the Doctor know what she has lost?

END

July 2015

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