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quirkysmuseFandom: Heroes
Title: Pang of Memory
Genre: Angst/Introspective
Characters/Pairings: Claire, hinted Peter/Claire, Nathan mentioned
Rating: PG-13 for implications
Word Count: 541
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for "Four Months Later" and Canon Paire.
Notes: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
13_fears, "Fear of Pain" prompt
Claims Table: http://quirkysmuse.livejournal.com/123687.html
Summary: When she cuts herself, she can feel that he is alive.
Pang of Memory
Fresh blood glistens on her skin from the new jagged marks carved into her arm. Before the blood seeps back inside her skin and the flesh knits back together, she looks at what the letters spell before they disappear. Her lips form a sad smile, and she wishes it could have stayed for a second more.
She does this often. Sometimes she spells out "Nathan" or "father", but more than anything she cuts "Peter" in her skin, followed by "uncle" and "hero" and something else. Something forbidden she's not supposed to even fathom.
She's not afraid of the physical pain. And she's never been afraid of the blood.
It's the other pain she's afraid of. It's the pain of not seeing him again - of never ever feeling whole with him.
And by cutting his name into her skin, she feels suspended somehow, trapped of those memories when she trekked across the country to find him in New York, only to be met with the startling revelation that not only was he her uncle, but he was also going to explode.
She plays the day he saved her like a movie reel inside her head, and she starts to feel the pain from the cuts. She's overjoyed she can feel anything at all. The memory of Peter falling off a building to protect her and then pulling himself back together with her powers had made her feel less lonely. She realized then that she was no longer alone.
Though, her feelings for him from that day on were anything but healthy. In the beginning it was just about his age, but now...
Her thoughts are even worse. By remembering Peter's smile and the way he touched her face, however, sometimes makes the guilt she feels a little more manageable. She reminds herself that he's the one who said it was destiny. (Though, probably not the kind of destiny she wants.)
Claire sighs heavily and turns her head. She glares at her cell phone, and she doesn't need to ask herself if it's too early to call him. It is, and he's just going to avoid her questions like he has countless times before. Nathan is an elastic band that keeps her tied to Peter. Though, the last time she called, he sounded broken - and she knows that he is suffering more than she is. Or maybe, in a different way.
But both of them know Peter is alive. Claire can feel it in her bones that Peter is still out there, and Nathan has answers, but he won't tell her. Calling will only cause him to push her away even more.
She looks down at her skin and frowns. Without thinking, she carves her desires into her flesh, and she asks herself and any god who will listen, "Will he come back to me?"
Her mind travels elsewhere, somewhere in the sky. She looks out the window into the night blanketed with stars. Her brain drowns in the memory of the explosion, and she wonders if Peter is one of those stars - tucked away safely and sleeping among the black heavens.
And if he is, she wants him to fall, a pulsating godsend right into her open arms.
END
Title: Pang of Memory
Genre: Angst/Introspective
Characters/Pairings: Claire, hinted Peter/Claire, Nathan mentioned
Rating: PG-13 for implications
Word Count: 541
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for "Four Months Later" and Canon Paire.
Notes: Written for
13_fears, "Fear of Pain" promptClaims Table: http://quirkysmuse.livejournal.com/123687.html
Summary: When she cuts herself, she can feel that he is alive.
Pang of Memory
Fresh blood glistens on her skin from the new jagged marks carved into her arm. Before the blood seeps back inside her skin and the flesh knits back together, she looks at what the letters spell before they disappear. Her lips form a sad smile, and she wishes it could have stayed for a second more.
She does this often. Sometimes she spells out "Nathan" or "father", but more than anything she cuts "Peter" in her skin, followed by "uncle" and "hero" and something else. Something forbidden she's not supposed to even fathom.
She's not afraid of the physical pain. And she's never been afraid of the blood.
It's the other pain she's afraid of. It's the pain of not seeing him again - of never ever feeling whole with him.
And by cutting his name into her skin, she feels suspended somehow, trapped of those memories when she trekked across the country to find him in New York, only to be met with the startling revelation that not only was he her uncle, but he was also going to explode.
She plays the day he saved her like a movie reel inside her head, and she starts to feel the pain from the cuts. She's overjoyed she can feel anything at all. The memory of Peter falling off a building to protect her and then pulling himself back together with her powers had made her feel less lonely. She realized then that she was no longer alone.
Though, her feelings for him from that day on were anything but healthy. In the beginning it was just about his age, but now...
Her thoughts are even worse. By remembering Peter's smile and the way he touched her face, however, sometimes makes the guilt she feels a little more manageable. She reminds herself that he's the one who said it was destiny. (Though, probably not the kind of destiny she wants.)
Claire sighs heavily and turns her head. She glares at her cell phone, and she doesn't need to ask herself if it's too early to call him. It is, and he's just going to avoid her questions like he has countless times before. Nathan is an elastic band that keeps her tied to Peter. Though, the last time she called, he sounded broken - and she knows that he is suffering more than she is. Or maybe, in a different way.
But both of them know Peter is alive. Claire can feel it in her bones that Peter is still out there, and Nathan has answers, but he won't tell her. Calling will only cause him to push her away even more.
She looks down at her skin and frowns. Without thinking, she carves her desires into her flesh, and she asks herself and any god who will listen, "Will he come back to me?"
Her mind travels elsewhere, somewhere in the sky. She looks out the window into the night blanketed with stars. Her brain drowns in the memory of the explosion, and she wonders if Peter is one of those stars - tucked away safely and sleeping among the black heavens.
And if he is, she wants him to fall, a pulsating godsend right into her open arms.
END
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