quirkysmuse: (kate)
[personal profile] quirkysmuse
Fandom: Castle
Title: Acceptance
Author: Paynesgrey
Characters/Pairings: Becket/Castle, Kate Beckett POV, mention of Det. Demming
Rating: G
Genre: Introspection
Spoilers: Season 2 finale
Word Count: 560
Notes: Written for my A-Z meme, "Ex-Relationship" for [livejournal.com profile] psyco_chick32.

Summary: Kate has some thoughts after Castle leaves for the summer.



Kate Beckett rang off a shot, and the noise made a sharp echo in the room. Thankfully her ears were protected. She focused - or at least tried, on her target, and quickly after few subsequent rounds, she had to take a deep breath and remind herself to replace the practice paper she had obliterated with her burst of angry bullets.

When the summer was over, Castle was going to pay. Oh, she was going to get him good. She had spent a substantial amount of time wallowing about how she alone had ruined her summer because of him. She had dissolved a perfectly - well, adequate relationship with Detective Demming to just for once, throw caution to the wind and listen to her heart, and well, now Kate was more than regretting it.

She wondered if she had really listened to her heart or if it had been impulse. More than that, the cheer-leading squad around the department didn't help matters. Of course, she couldn't blame them for all of it. Kate had been denying what was there and what was growing between her and Castle for some time. And now that he was gone, doing what he was meant to do and proving that he could be just fine without her, Kate Beckett had the displeasure of admitting that life just wasn't the same without him.

She lowered her gun and ended shooting practice for the day. Whatever stress she'd been longing to release was still hovering around her, and killing paper wasn't going to solve anything. Neither was imagining Castle's head there or even her own.

Kate snorted to herself, looked down at her watch, and prepared to go home - alone, when it took everything within her power to hold off the fantasy of having fun in the Hampton's with Rick Castle. Reality was much more trying; he'd be having fun alright, but not with Kate and most definitely with another woman. When Kate instinctively longed for Tom's company, she knew she was fooling herself. Whatever had progressed between her and the robbery detective was as good as dead. She sabotaged it herself, and even if she hadn't and they had gone together with some hope of a future, she knew it wouldn't have lasted, not with Rick Castle always in the space of her mind.

Kate Beckett realized the starking truth - even if it was too little, too late. She had feelings for Rick Castle; crazy, frustrating yet tantalizing feelings and one lonely summer wasn't going to scrub those away.

When she arrived at home, a new place she was still getting used to, she put her keys on the table and settled into her lazy mode for the night. Even chocolate ice cream and reruns of Law & Order couldn't heal the sinking feeling, and she knew every night it would plague her. The more she struggled to deny it, the more miserable she became. So, Kate Beckett gave in. It was time to indulge herself. Castle was already on her mind, and he wasn't going anywhere.

She lingered over her to bookshelf, and after opening a door to the bottom cupboard, she ran her finger over the spine of the first Derrick Storm series. She sighed languidly and pursed her lips in defeat. Well, she might as well get this depressing summer started.

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